Can you stay friends with your ex? More importantly — should you?

My first instinctual and short answer is ‘Hell no’. The long answer comes from past experiences.

I’ve had short relationships, some were long, some were stale and other’s full of life. But one thing they had in common — they all developed quickly.

A little too quickly.

I used to think I was damaged because I would cut people from my life so easily. But in reality it has been a blessing in disguise.

Three months ago I ended a short lived relationship.

We had so much potential but circumstances weren’t on our side.

I couldn’t dedicate time to the long distance relationship as I was too focused on getting my life back on track.

I needed a plan, a job, and a single focus.

I was making decisions that would determine the course of the rest of my life.

I needed time with my thoughts — alone.

I don’t think he ever understood that. He was focused on missing me and trying to feel close to me. It broke my heart every time. I knew it wasn’t fair for either of us. So I broke it off.

We tried staying friends and it was sort of working because we still had genuine feelings for each other. But then, he called me after three weeks and tells me he is getting engaged.

That is when I regretted everything, except breaking off the relationship.

Regardless, I had taken the right decision, too much was at stake for me at the time. But I wasn’t going to see him give to another what we had given each other only months before.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t healthy.

Learning I was never his first choice, when he was mine regardless of the breakup, almost broke me.

Hurt and confused, I was just trying to build a life we’d both be happy in. I just needed time. Just some fucking time.

I was on the other side of the country already. I stopped all communication, physically removing myself from the hurt. I destroyed all the evidence of the beautiful time we had. I’ll never regret it.

Any relationship should enhance your life, not take way from it. Yes, I am aware sometimes it might be selfish but if there is no give and take only give, give and give or take, take and take.

I HAD TO STOP be honest with myself and vowed to move away from behaviors and people who make unhappy.

Cutting someone from your life shouldn’t make you feel guilty or like something is wrong with you.

We are human and have a right to heal at our own pace and focus on our goals even at the expense of people who don’t understand or support us.

Yes, this is a rant and part of my healing process. I’m closing this chapter and letting go — to finally receive new things and grow. It took me a long time to finish this after finally setting my life on track.

I want to hear your story and opinions on this subject. Even with mutual breakups, how much of an old relationship can survive? Should it even survive?

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